I just blogged all over myself

Dear Reader,
As you know, Blogs have been used for thousands of years. From the early days of the American Indians (Head-Smashed-In-Buffalo-Blog), through the enlightenment and industrial revolution (Last Fortnight's Coal Mine Party) and even dating back to our most ancient ancestors who posted scintillating celeb goss' on the walls of sacred caves, blogging has never gone out of style! Since our species first developed the opposable thumb and learned to use a primitive mouse and poor resolution screen in the primordial jungle, we have always had a physical need to preoccupy ourselves from work. It is a survival instinct! So please enjoy this, my addition to the wonderful and important world of blogging!

I never liked that word. Blog. There's something onomatopoeically disgusting to me about it. I can always imagine overhearing, "...man, Denise did so many tequila shooters at Senor Frog's last night that she blogged in her purse on the cab ride home. It was horrible," -or- "Hey- do you remember when we ended up bartending that Liberal party convention with crates of free vodka, and later, everyone had to blog at the same time, but all there was for you to blog into was one of those measuring cups to fill up an iron?" I say let's just call a self-serving, non-interactive online page of mostly text a Crappy Website and be done with it.

I'd like to share my methodology for international travel. I think the best way to go on a big trip is just to make up a destination where you might know someone, pick an arbitrary date some time in the future that you don't have to worry about (let's say July 16th for example) and then just talk out loud about it whenever anyone mentions traveling. Eventually, people are convinced you are going, and they'll remind you about things you have to do before you leave, and it pretty much takes care of itself.

I almost flew Kuwait airlines to Sri Lanka. Very nearly, but didn't. You see, I was digging through fares online after my initial travel agent quote had skyrocketed in the space of a month due to "fuel surcharges" (can't they just run jet engines on something like Mountain Dew? I say that because I just learned it retails for half the cost of bottled water at the Dorval airport. It must be take less effort to get it out of the mountains) and happened upon a cheap package laying over in Kuwait. Kuwait you say? It's exotic; why not!? In my reasoning, Kuwait was one of the wealthiest countries on the planet. Desert Dew is plentiful there. The cabins would be no doubt be opulently outfitted, and only 7 veils would separate coach from business class. I was moments away from confirming when I decided to look up some personal testimony. These are the kinds of things you could not do before the internet. You could basically ask your friend if they had flown on Kuwait airlines, and then they would say "No" and that would be it. But luckily, I am now absolutely aware of what people think. People are not big fans of Kuwait Airlines. At one site, after over 200 hundred postings, it averaged a popular score of one and a half stars out of five. Most people gave it zero. The reviews were so comically atrocious that I was compelled to read every single one.

LIST OF THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT KUWAIT AIRLINES AT A SITE THAT REVIEWS AIRLINES:

"...staff unpleasant to say the least and the whole interior of the plane was horrible, panels loose, seats wouldn't stay upright and were ripped in many places. . . entertainment center was broken and had wires hanging out of it."

"never again"

"Kuwait Airways is the worst airline I have flown."

"This is the worst airline I have travelled over the last 35 years. "

"When is this airline going to be scrapped?"

"The crew on the flight from KWI-FRA seemed to have a contest about who is rudest to the passengers."

"my wife tore open the plastic wrapping around a blanket and found the blanket smelling. On opening the blanket we found it had fresh vomit on it!"

"Two hours into the flight the toilets were blocked and sewage water spilled out on the plane. Passengers and crew had to suffer for the next five hours all the stench and unclean environment. The flight attendants said this is a routine affair on this flight. "

"Next time I am walking to India."

"I will avoid KU from now on and in particular the A300 whose hold, and one would assume wiring and other lower hold equipment is now soaked with 50+ gallons of olive oil."

"After reading ur reviews, I was a bit worried about traveling by kuwait airlines. But the iraq war ensured that there were hardly any passengers from london to chennai. Had a great time."

So. . . I was obviously 50/50, though, in the end, decided to fly Delta>Vigin>Sri Lankan Air. I can only pray for the general septic integrity of my planes and hope that my next 27 hours in the air do not make me feel like blogging all over my lap. Here we go!